June 24, 2009

Obsessions are my driving force in life. As long as I can remember, there’s always been something I throw myself into wholeheartedly. My obsessions give me a reason to be, they consume my soul. My life is cut up into different sections based on what I was the most obsessed with at the time, whether it be a book series, a tv show, a movie or celebrity or person I know, a music group or singer, or a manga and anime series. I’ve been obsessed with so many things.

Most of my friends are my friends because we share a love of Harry Potter or Avatar: The Last Airbender. I’ve even made a bunch of friends as we stalk our teachers. When I first get an obsession, all my time is put into thinking about it. I spend countless hours on end reading or watching until I’ve run the obsession dry, and then I search for outlets of it to consume the emptier hours. Fansites, podcasts, fanfiction or fanart and merchandise. I’m truly run by my obsession.

Right now? Ouran High School Host Club. Even as I write this, my heart beats twice it’s normal speed because I’ve just finished the part where Tamaki finally realized he loves Haruhi. I sit here, prolonging the next few unknown chapters because it’s exciting. Sooner or later, my self restraint will falter and I’ll go read the end of the series (or what Bisco Hatori has up so far), and then I’ll end up lying around aimlessly, with nothing to do. The time between my obsessions is dark and somewhat depressing, and I spend it either subconsciously looking for new obsessions or reigniting old ones.

Everything I’ve ever been obsessed with holds a special place in my heart. Even though I don’t listen to the Jonas Brothers anymore and I’ve stopped rereading the Twilight series, I still defend them, I still care for them. As my shelf of past obsessions grows, I continue to stay the same as a person. I know I shouldn’t revolve my life around any one thing, but that’s just who I am. I know I should regret it, but I really don’t. Nothing makes me happier than to be immersed in an obsession.

I know you’re judging me right now. If I were you, I probably would, too. But everyone has an obsession, whether it be someone you love or your hobbies or sports or religion. My obsessions are just fleeting and all consuming.

Maybe that’s why I’ve never found myself needing a boyfriend or a religion or a sport to take part in. I’ve already found my reason to be.


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