Because I’ve been having  insomnia lately, my dreams are a lot clearer.  I’ve decided to start a dream diary, mostly for myself. You can read it if you want to, but I’m not going to bother making it really clear or sane or well written or whatever. So if you want to read something that isn’t INTERESTING AT ALL, go ahead.

July 8th: It starts off with Malinda leaving me all alone at HEB. Very large HEB, might I add, not the one that we always walk to.  Anyway, she gets a call from Ian, and just drives off without me. I’m like DOOD I HAVE NO PHONE!!! and try to get her attention by flipping her off and at this point I’m almost crying because HOW DO I GET HOME and then she’s gone so I’m like, weellll, might as well go into HEB.

SO I DO. And I see SARAH LYNCH. And I’m like, “HOLY SHIT, SARAH, I ALWAYS SEE YOU WHEN I’M AT HEB.” And for some reason, I don’t tell her that my sister just ditched me, but I’m like, “WE SHOULD BUY SOME FOOD AND THEN WALK BACK TO MALLORY’S AND BREAK IN” because of course her family is on vacation. Sort of. And then I see one of my old friends, Ashley Moon, and I’m like, ASHLEY! I ALWAYS SEE YOU AT HEB AFTER I SEE SARAH!!! And she’s just like, “haha, yeah,” because she’s a little more normal than a lot of my friends were.

Yeah, so we buy those pepperidge farms cookies that I ate at art walk and lots of GOLD FISH because, seriously, my dreams are just product placement shows. And then we call Mallory, and she shows up, only she turns into Zeke along the way, only not really, because we know Mallory and Sarah are on the other side of the store looking at clothes (This HEB has CLOTHES).

I’m pushing the cart, and we see CERAMIC CONDOMS, which are actually in a tin foil box, and… well, tin foil (trust, I opened them and took some off the roll. It was just TIN FOIL), but the box says they’re CERAMIC CONDOMS and they’re designed SOLELY for gay sex. So, of course, I’m like, DUDE, WE HAVE TO BUY THESE. THEY’RE SO WEIRD, and Zeke’s like, OH MAN I NEED THESE!!!, and so we put them in the cart, but a bunch of old people walking by look in our cart weird so we try to cover it up with some plastic hangers, and then Grace shows up and is like, WE NEEED THIS BOX OF WHOLE WHEAT BISCUITS, and of course, this box is REALLY HUGE, like 10 by 10, and then we go to meet up with Mallory and Sarah to show them the CERAMIC CONDOM TIN FOIL and Zeke tries one on and we’re all like, WTF YOU CAN’T DO THAT IN THE STOREEEE! Except we were actually like, HOW DOES TIN FOIL WORK THAT’S SO AWKWARD. I woke up and though of that time we played Quelf with your mom, Mallory.

More Dreams


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